phew, been a while, huh? lotsa shit happened... fuck, where do i even start?

some lighthearted stuff, first and foremost. i think i can officially consider phighting a major interest now, because jesus i've been playing that game a lot. i'm slowly getting better at it, and i even got my first mvp as biograft a little bit ago! and, more importantly, i made friends out of it :)
funnily, i don't really know their name, i guess? we met because my roblox display name is "eclecticsoul" and they just so happened to be a chonny jash fan... and now we're friends i mean rivals i mean friends i. yeah! and i'm also friends with their friends, and we play phighting together! if, somehow, you've found this; fuck you? what the hell?? go away???

vaguely related, but both jhariah and chonny released new music, and holy shit. let's start with trust ceremony, since i've got plenty of thoughts about that album.

trust ceremony is a 13 song album by jhariah that released just a few days ago on april 19th. jhariah built up tons of hype around this album, and understandably, because it is genuinely so fucking good for lack of a better descriptor. so. fucking. good.
when it came out (or moreso, when i realized it was out) i immediately went to the aforementioned phighting cj friend and we both went batshit listening to the damn thing. it quickly became clear to me that jhariah wa shyping this up for a good reason, because listening to big shot - or even tooth pact - for the first time was like getting shot in the leg in the best way possible. others of note include fire4fun (which, holy shit that risk transition caught me completely off guard?), control baby, re: concerns and trust ceremony, the song. seeing the reappearance of songs like risk, risk, risk! and pin-eye in the album was also really fun, especially considered how well they mesh into the album despite being released previously as singles. they don't feel out of place at all.
and man, check out this album cover art.

how fucking cool is that? jhariah cover art never misses, i swear.
definitely worth a listen. re: concerns is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. currently trying to cook up art surrounding it that is probably past my skill level... but hey, you can't improve if you never push your own boundaries, right?

as for chonny... yesterday, my boyfriend and i woke up from a nap only to receive a youtube notification from his channel? and it's a new song? we were so confused and so excited because usually he announces new content at least 24 hours before release, but upon checking twitter we found out he just... decided to post it early? straight up just went "yeah fuck it, see yall in 15 minutes" like excuse me? not complaining though, because it's super good, as always. and then it happened AGAIN, TODAY. SAME DEAL!
both songs are covers of k.k. cruisin' from animal crossing which, notably, he already made a cover of for covered in discontent. so that makes three! isn't that... funny. but anyways, that's k.k. crushin' and k.k. cruisin' (unplugged)! going hard with the video game music lately, which is absolutely a good thing. also loving the contrast between the two despite being the same song at their cores. that's just the chonny jash experience... love it so so much, wouldn't have it any other way. so excited for spotify to get its shit together so i can add these to my playlist which is already oversaturated with cj music!

in terms of more personal things, i can't help but admit that life has been rough. i've been going through one big bout of depression, with no motivation to do anything but play phighting and sleep. that lack of willpower to carry on has made me fall behind on a lot of things, including my fun little webmaster duties and the upkeep of this site. it's not like it's that important, and it's not too high on the list of my concerns, but i think getting back into doing something i enjoy is a good first step towards breaking out of this suffocating depression i've found myself in. i can feel myself smiling as i write this actually - the feeling of writing in notepad++ is oddly comforting for some reason.
and, not like it's any of your business, but i also recently found out that i am one who shares my mind with others. ...i'm a system, in other words. just felt right to say it that way, i don't know. and though that explains a lot of things and it does bring me peace of mind to put a word on my experience, that in and of itself comes with its own slew of stressors and problems. i'll share more about the system when the time is right, but i don't think that time will be anytime soon. please don't ask me about it, respectfully. thanks :)

going back to the webmaster duties thing, i'm working on like five different pages at once, and i don't think that's helping me get anything done. the interests page is high on my list, but that's just gonna be full of a lot of infodumping about the things i like. i'm halfway through special interest #1, but it's still a lot.
otherwise, the other two notable things i'm working on are a graphics collection and individual pages for my OCs! ...and the stimboards, i guess, but they're the least of my concerns despite them being the reason i made this site in the first place. oh well, i'll return to my roots one day. i'll do a bit more writing for the interests one, then maybe go ahead and finish up the graphics, since it shouldn't be as strenuous.

^ little sneak peak ... heehee
i've also been thinking about changing the service i'm using to host my guestbook, since i found one i think i'd prefer, while still keeping the old one up for archival purposes since all the messages there make me insanely happy... people like my dumb little site enough to leave a note? mannnn you guys are weirdd ... /pos

anyways tldr; autistic dumbass yaps about the music he likes while trying to get his shit together. y'know, the usual! i hope whoever is patient enough to be reading this is having a nice day. stay safe out there, yeah?
-- soul

somehow i feel like i'm updating this too fast. but i don't think there's any reason to hold myself back... if i update, i update. if i don't, i don't! simple as that. i try to keep that in mind. but anyways,

> i love retro technology a lot, but that's a subject for another time.
guess what time it is!!!!

i'm mostly just here to gush about the cool things i own. for example, i picked up pokemon gold form my local used games store the other day and i've been having a blast with it! i found out that it and silver are backwards compatible with the original gameboy, so i just had to grab it for myself. surprisingly cheap too, although i did pay a bit more for the cart with the most intact sticker.

it shines in the light, and the cart itself is sparkly. they should do these again x3
i beat falkner and i'm currently exploring a bit, going through union cave, training my team. bit of a story here, but when i first bought the game it didn't work. i put it in my console but the game just wouldn't boot up. i tried cleaning it, didn't work. the nintendo logo would appear properly but it wouldn't load beyond that... so i took it back to the place and they got it fixed up for me! the guy actually had to take the game apart and kinda frankenstein two different gold carts together, so i would get the nice sticker and a properly working game. i'm very pleased with this :)

aside from gold, my only other gameboy game is pokemon blue for now. i got it at the same time as the gameboy itself, at (technically) the same store i bought gold from.

i say "technically" because the store moved since then and i had no idea! it used to be a five minute walk away from my place, and now it's fifteen minutes away... which isn't so bad, really, but it's just slightly less convinient. anyways, when i went i got to look over the gameboy games they had on display while the guy working fixed my gold. i spotted harvest moon... so now i've got my eye on that. i need to make a wishlist of gameboy games i think, because despite its age, it's a very fun console. for now though i only have harvest moon and, like, tetris maybe on that wishlist. we'll see though!

i was thinking, mostly because my boyfriend brought it up the other day, but i wonder if i could manually fix my gameboy's screen? call me autistic but when i was younger i always wanted to get my hands on an old device or console and fix it myself, getting to see the motherboard and wires and all that garbage. i watched the retro future on youtube a lot; i think that inspired the need to repair old stuff. that could be a fun project to take on, honestly, now that i'm older and have more experience yet somehow less dexterity.

my other prized possession is my tapedeck! or, more specifically, the tape i initially got it for, which were both christmas gifts that i am forever thankful for.

good & evil is my favorite tally hall album and one of my favorite albums period, so when i found out needlejuice still had tapes in stock i just knew i had to get my hands on one. even if i couldn't play it, i just wanted to have it around, hold it in my hands and stuff. but i do have a way to use it which is even better!!!

i love this thing so much and i love showing it off even more. and you already know it sounds great on the deck itself; i like the audio quirks of tapes and stuff, somehow it makes the music feel more real? i'm not sure how else to describe it. it sounds crisp on spotify or soming out of my computer speakers, sure, but it's not the same. it sounds natural coming out of the deck speakers. tally hall good & evil in its natural habitat, y'know? i don't know where i'm going with this. i like it a lot is all.

next target for tapes i can buy is definitely marvin's. if i have one tally hall album, i need the other. completing the collection, yeah? otherwise i saw dinosaurchestra by lemon demon availible on needlejuice too! that, spirit phone, and view monster would be amazing to have.
i, uhm. i also have this blank 60min tape... that i totally didn't try to record gothic whore or the novel lyric hunt by chonny jash on. LISTEN, the album is the perfect length so i can fit both halves on both sides, AND i get to cut the first side at interlude IT'S LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR IT! if i just trim down the ballad of dr. jekyll a little it fits perfectly. but unfortunately, i think my deck's age is showing, because all of my attempts have been busts. weird audio issues paired with the fact that the play button doesn't stay down with the record button, so i have to sit there for an hour holding them both down with relative force. i'll try again someday, but for now i feel kinda hopeless. oh well!

last thing for today is that chonny posted music a couple of days ago! and it bangs, because of course it does!

heal by chonny jash on youtube

my zelda knowledge is very rusty, i haven't touched a zelda game in forever. however this, combined with my gameboy endeavors, sorta reignited my interest in majora's mask and ocarina of time. and... well, you didn't hear this from me, but dolphin emulator can run majora's mask pretty well. or so i hear. i don't have a nintendo 64 so that's my next best bet, okay? sue me. (don't-- i'm watching you, nintendo.)
the song itself is super good by the way and you should definitely listen to it. it's actually a remaster of a wayyy older song, which is still on his channel if i recall correctly, so it's nice to see that redone :) he's been putting out a lot of remasters lately... wonder if whatever he has planned next will be the same.

now if you'll excuse me i have to go play my very legal copy of majora's mask on my nintendo 64 that i very much own in my house. toodles!
-- soul

I SAW MY FRIENDS TODAYYYY ^_^

and this is very important to me because i haven't gotten out of the house very much recently for a variety of reasons. it doesn't really bother me since it's for a very good reason, but i only ever get out for class and errands and whatnot. and i end up missing these idiots a lot, especially my husband who i am married to, so seeing them between classes like that makes me very very happy.

it kinda made me realize the toll being lonely is taking on me actually? i've always been used to being solitary and stuff-- i've always told myself that i work best on my own, which i still don't think is entirely false-- but god does being around people i like feel good. we went to a corner store near our school and bought some snacks and drinks and shit, then hung out at a nearby park since it was warm enough. i mostly sat around, cuddled with my boyfriend and interjected sometimes, but it was a lot of fun! i talked a lot during the walk to and back. i feel like it's been getting easier for me, like i'm becoming more socially adept. it's a very welcome change!
we're planning on doing it again tomorrow and i absolutely cannot wait

in other news, i found my gameboy! i restarted my pokemon blue save and am now playing through that stupid fucking game for the millionth time over. except this time i chose charmander to spice it up (i usually go for bulbasaur, squirtle too sometimes) and my life goal is to catch an electabuzz. maybe i'll do the pokedex too, who knows at this point?

my wonderful team! the team with which i plan on facing brock with... on second thought, maybe i should add a bellsprout or something. lol
you might notice the screen has a few lines burnt into it. i don't mind it at all honestly, it doesn't take anything away from gameplay. i bought this gameboy secondhand back in 2022 i think? there's a little used video games shop real close to where i live, and it's barely a five minute walk. it cost me 80 bucks if my memory serves me right, the price being discounted due to the screen damage. the shell itself also has a lil dent in it but again, doesn't bother me in the slightest. and i got pokemon blue with it, which was a gift! (thanks dad!)
i love retro technology a lot, but that's a subject for another time. teehee

in OTHER other news,

holy fucking shit
you have no idea how hyped i am for this I SWEAR IT STILL FEELS LIKE THE CJPH RELEASED JUST LAST WEEK... god i'm excited RRAAAHHHH

uhmmm anyways yeah that's pretty much all i have to say today. can't wait to see my friends tomorrow. i love my boyfriend. thank you for listening
-- soul

and this is the part where i write. i can only do the "*taps mic* is this thing on?" bit so many times before it gets stale.

but hello! welcome, visitor, to the depths of my brain! well maybe not necessarily the depths, but you've gone below surface level for sure. isn't it cozy here? no? too bad.
i want to mention that all of this isn't going to be updated regularly; i'll update it when i feel like writing about whatever the fuck. also i swear like a sailor, i don't know how important that is. i try to show self-restraint though!
i'm also... still really mediocre at html and css, god forbid i even touch javascript on my own. so this page-- and the whole site-- runs on spaghetti code i slapped together while thinking "there must be a better way to do this? oh well, if it works, it works" the entire time. that's why a lot of it shows up broken on displays that aren't exactly like mine. unfortunately i'm just one dude, and unless i attain html enlightenment, it's probably gonna stay that way for the foreseeable future (granted i can't see very far into the future). but i digress.

as the title might suggest, i started playing phighting about four days ago now! i overcame my overwhelimg social anxiety that prevented me from playing for like a month and finally got into it, and now i think i'm hyperfixated.
the game is genuinely really fun. after messing around with each character in crossroads for a while, i decided to start playing as ban hammer, and i think that was the right decision because i kick ass at ban hammer now. i've also tried biograft and scythe, but there's definitely room for improvement there. a lot of room. biograft is finicky and i can't aim for shit with rifle, but i can't always play ban hammer, so i need backups to fall back on just incase.
i joined in the middle of the dove vs. crow phestival on team crow since i don't know if you noticed but i absolutely love corvids. crows, magpies, rooks, gotta be some of my favorite birds. but anyways, even though i probably didn't contribute much, i'm very happy about being on the winning team. i also adore vine splash and even though i don't play vine it's gotta be one of my favorite skins. i'm just happy to have her!!

look at her! she's so purrty!!!
my total k/d/a is... embarrassing, admittedly. to my credit i'm still a new player, even though my hyperfixated brain has been making me play so much i may as well have been playing for a month. my strategy as ban hammer is to charge right into the enemy and swing carelessly at anything that isn't my team color, so maybe i should start by fixing that too. i have gotten mvp a few times more recently though, which i'm pretty proud of myself for! getting better woohoo!

my best so far xP
during the phestival i gathered up enough bux and endorsements to buy both frankenhammer and cocoagraft as well! the phestival win left me with enough bux to also buy exorspace, which is very cool. i'll see if i can get my hands on either shurifin or yulaser. all in all, i'm having a ton of fun with this game.

this next segment has mentions of body horror, including eye trauma and bugs and whatnot. it's also full of chonny jash so might be confusing if you're unfamiliar. those who are familiar with the subject: jashshipping mention. there's nothing to this entry after this. wheeeehehee

during this time i also started reading this silly little cccc fic on ao3, 333 and 777 by egoistic_freak. my god when i tell you it's good.
i found it while just scrolling through the fandom tag. i'd happened upon a soul/whole fic that was a part of the same series as the ones aforementioned, and it said if i didn't read the previous two i'd be confused. so obviously i just had to read them. now having finished them i think i get why i would've been confused.
my own words are nowhere near pretty enough to do this fic justice, but it's an interesting au and i love the way it presents the environment that HMS live in, a physical manifestation of whole(?)'s mental state. heart and mind were also on point in their writing, their interactions and their thoughts, and the interpretation of soul truly being a hollow vessel who's purpose is to die and be whole is just ARGHGRHRGH (/pos). not too important, but soul using they/it pronouns is also incredibly real.
the fics themselves are very gruesome and dark, but the source media is as well, so i suppose it's only fair. but the horror is described in such a, dare i say, beautiful way? there's a piece of the first fic that revolves around heart being quite literally full of bugs-- termites-- devouring his body from the inside out. he refers to them as friends despite this, letting them invade his body. later on they try to do the same to mind, with heart telling him to leave them be, let them take his body too, unless he asks for help. heart is also described as rotting into the roots of a big tree below the ground, his body decomposing into the ground. he gets up and drags both himself and mind out of there though. their interaction afterwards is also fun, i've always loved their dynamic and it's written so well in these fics.
i could say more about the things i love about this fic; the interpretation of soul and whole, their reltationship. how mind is written and his self-destructive nature. the juno incident stands out to me; the way mind's sunlight is written in a literal sense, the harsh beams that shot out of him and blinded heart with light right after he shot him, the same light tunnelling into his skull and staying there and forcing him to see permanent whiteness. how heart had to seek mercy by gouging his eyes out, soul finishing the job. it's SO GOOD chat, but again, i could never do it justice.

that'll be it for today's ramble, i'm so excited to be able to put this on my site now since i'm still writing this in notepad++. this was really fun and i'm excited to do more in the future! for now though, i'll let my hands rest. peace
-- soul